Become Your Own Best Friend #selflove

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This is a series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power.

Some people may like to think that they don’t talk to themselves, but the truth is that we constantly communicate to ourselves using our own inner voice. How do you speak to yourself?

My Own Worst Enemy

I know how I used to speak to myself, and it wasn’t very nice. I would be trying to push myself into achieving my goals, constantly striving to pack more into each day. I would criticise and blame myself, never good enough, always failing. The finishing line could never be reached, so the game of self-criticism would always continue. Wherever I went and whoever I met, the same inner chat would always be trying to beat me into shape.

Can you imagine how someone would feel if you were constantly treating them like that? They would be traumatised, upset, sad and confused. Yet that is how so many of us treat ourselves! And even worse, some of us have tolerated another person treating us like that for a long time.

Have you noticed how hard it is to reassure a friend who is doubting themselves, not feeling “good enough” and trying to push themselves in some way? No matter how many times you try to explain that they are wonderful just as they are, you can’t convince them.

Many people become obsessed with certain activities – their careers, their families or other interests, and push themselves every day as they strive for the goal of perfection. But that goal can never be reached and the obsessive striving continues.

Your Own Best Friend

When you become your own best friend and supporter, your life can turn around in a more powerful way than you could ever have imagined. We all need to realise that we don’t have to do anything to be deserving of love from ourselves or anyone else.

From now on, try praising and encouraging yourself. When you do make a mistake, realise that you’re only human and give yourself even more encouragement and support – just as you would to your closest and dearest friend or someone who needed your help.

Never criticise yourself again. Replace those critical comments with kindness, tenderness and gentle encouragement. And do this all day long, every day.

Stop being like a sergeant in a bootcamp, constantly trying to push yourself. Gently praise yourself as you do everything – and you will soon notice the difference.

When you’re in emotional pain or when you’ve been hurt, self-validate by listening to your own feelings and gently soothing them.

Instead of being your own worst enemy, become your greatest ally and companion, your best supporter. You will begin to realise that is the only approach that works – and how you should have always been. There really is nothing to prove to the outside world – only to yourself.

Your Goals

Your goals, whatever they may be, can be achieved so much more easily when you are supporting and helping yourself to achieve them. Never try to strive for perfection, because that is unattainable. Instead, think of your goals as doing things to enrich, enhance and improve your life – and because you want to do them.

After a lifetime of being my own worst enemy, I was delighted to discover the powerful effect of finally being my own best friend. It’s a remarkably new and empowering feeling. If you’ve been far too self-critical, it might be time to finally discover the awesome power of being your own biggest fan and supporter.

Are you your own best friend? I’d love to hear about it.

My next article will be about giving your power away.

Here are my other articles in this series:

Validate Yourself – and Transform Your Life

Don’t Give Your Power Away

Your Values and Living Your Truth

Standards – a vital part of living your truth

Having Boundaries – for healthy relationships

#healing #mindfulness #selflove #emotionalabuse

Thank you for stopping by. My name is Toni Pike, a multi-genre author who loves writing thrillers for adults, non-fiction, and hilarious books for children.

I’m the author of DESOLATION BLUFF, DEAD DRY HEART and The Jotham Fletcher Mystery Thriller Series: THE MAGUS COVENANT, THE ROCK OF MAGUS, THE MAGUS EPIPHANY and HOLY SPEAR OF MAGUS. My latest release is for children aged 6-9: BRODY CODY AND THE STEPMOTHER FROM OUTER SPACE.

I’m also the author of two non-fiction books. THE ONE WAY DIET is a no-nonsense guide to losing weight and HAPPY TRAVELS 101 is a short book of travel tips.

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17 thoughts on “Become Your Own Best Friend #selflove”

  2. olganm

    Great advice, Toni. I don’t always remember this myself, but when I worked in psychiatry and patients would talk negatively about themselves and blame themselves for minor things they’d done, I’d ask them to think what they would tell a friend, or even an acquaintance, who came to them and told them they had done the same they were blaming themselves for, and to think what they’d tell that person. And to try to extend to themselves the kindness and understanding they’d offer others. Trying to put things into perspective and trying to be our friends is not easy, but is well worth it. Thanks!

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    1. Toni Pike Post author

      Hi Darlene, That is fascinating. It just shows – it’s such a simple, easy thing to do and produces great results. Thanks for sharing your wonderful experience. Toni x

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  4. petespringerauthor

    Self-esteem is everything, regardless of age. When I taught elementary school and some child was down on himself/herself (primarily related to academics), I often broke out my “we’re all good at different things” speech. To further demonstrate the point, I’d draw a picture of something for my class. (I am one of the world’s worst artists known to man) By the end of my drawing, the kids couldn’t contain themselves because they found it comical that my art was so awful. Then I’d ask them what they were good at. If they said, “Nothing,” that was when I pulled in the reinforcements and asked the other students what they liked about a classmate. It worked every time. I think the moral of my story is when we are beating ourselves up for the umpteenth time, we need to think about all of the things we’re good at.

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    1. Toni Pike Post author

      That sounds wonderful, Pete – what fantastic ways to illustrate the ideas to children. We sometimes take a lot of convincing because somehow not loving ourselves has become the normal thing to do. Toni

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  5. Terri Webster Schrandt

    These are important ideas, Toni, especially these days as we navigate this crazy world! Positive self talk is SO important yet I still find myself thinking out loud negatively or calling myself an idiot for making a mistake! I have the ability to cheer people up and positively give feedback to others when needed, yet I don’t do that for myself often enough. I find that prayer works for me when I begin to feel negative. Thanks for sharing these ideas and we all could use some positive self talk!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Toni Pike Post author

      Thanks so much, Terri – it is so easy to encourage others, and tear ourselves to shreds. Prayer sounds like a wonderful method. We need to love ourselves with all faults. Toni x

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