This is a series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power.
I was the worst control freak, always planning and organising everything I did so that every possible eventuality was taken into account. I would then worry and be anxious that it would all go according to my plan. My happiness depended on the outcome, or what people would think of me, or whether others were fulfilling their end of the bargain.
In other words, I was trying to control everything outside of me – and that is a difficult job. It’s no wonder that I was prone to feeling stressed.
But now I know that you don’t need to expend the sort of energy and worry that it takes to be a control freak, because the only person you need to control is yourself.
Other people’s opinions
My energy was constantly dedicated to trying to change everything around me so that I would feel better. But it never worked, because that is an impossible task.
If there was someone trying to give others the wrong impression about me, I would be upset – and want to convince those people of the truth.
But you can’t change anyone else opinions, or what they are thinking about you or a particular situation. If you think that someone is saying something negative about you, your first instinct is to try to set them straight and change their minds.
But that is the wrong approach. It’s an impossible job, because you really can’t control or change what anyone else thinks. They have to come to a different viewpoint by themselves.
Don’t hand your power away by reacting to any situation. Instead, focus on your own personal power, your own calmness and control.
When someone provokes you in any way, or when things don’t go to plan, don’t react. Don’t give some sort of emotional reaction or turn to someone else for sympathy or support. Instead, turn towards yourself and your own feelings. Comfort yourself and reclaim your own power.
Does your happiness depend on whether a certain result happens, or if someone else has the right opinion about you?
When situations arise – when you don’t know what will happen in a certain situation, or what the outcome will be, you may feel that your happiness is affected. You’re relying on that outcome for you to achieve happiness. You say to yourself, “When that happens, I’ll be happy. It has to work out just the way I was hoping, or else I’m going to be disappointed or upset. In the meantime, I’ll be tense and miserable until my goals are achieved.”
Instead of that, adopt an alternative approach. Don’t react to it and don’t worry about trying to control the situation. Focus, first and foremost, on being happy, calm and at peace. Be filled with your own inner power. And don’t rely on anything, or any result, that is outside of you.
Don’t try to change anyone’s mind about a situation. Simply let the other person eventually reach their own conclusions. If they’ve been given the wrong impression, they will eventually know the truth about you when they see what a calm, strong and centred person you are.
When you approach the situation from the strength of your own inner power – that’s when you really have control. You are not affected by the external situation. You know your happiness won’t be dependent on the outcome. If things don’t work out as planned, there will be other opportunities that come along, perhaps even better than the first.
Have you thought about focusing on controlling yourself rather than other people and situations? I’d love to hear about it.
Here are my previous articles in this series:
#wellness #anxiety #healthyliving #authenticity
Thank you for stopping by. My name is Toni Pike, a multi-genre author who loves writing thrillers for adults, non-fiction, and hilarious books for children.
I’m the author of DESOLATION BLUFF, DEAD DRY HEART and The Jotham Fletcher Mystery Thriller Series: THE MAGUS COVENANT, THE ROCK OF MAGUS, THE MAGUS EPIPHANY and HOLY SPEAR OF MAGUS. My latest release is for children aged 6-9: BRODY CODY AND THE STEPMOTHER FROM OUTER SPACE.
I’m also the author of two non-fiction books. THE ONE WAY DIET is a no-nonsense guide to losing weight and HAPPY TRAVELS 101 is a short book of travel tips.
All my books can be found HERE.
You can find me online here:
Text and Image copyright © 2020 Toni Pike – All Rights Reserved