This is a series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power.
How we self-avoid
I’ve always been happy to spend time by myself and would keep myself occupied, busily working on my many projects or tasks. In fact, I would drive myself to achieve my goals, making sure that every second of the day was accounted for. That made me feel as if I was being productive and useful.
I thought that was “spending time with myself.” But now I realise that this constant activity was actually a form of self-avoidance.
Now I know that spending time with yourself means really getting to know your heart, soul and mind.
There are many other things that people do to self-avoid. They can do it by constantly going out and mixing with other people, comforting themselves with things like excess food, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, watching too much TV or spending too much time online, spending too much time exercising or on self-development, and a myriad of other things that become almost like addictions.
Those things provide us with a sort of comfort and help to dull the pain of self-avoidance.
Spending Time With Yourself
How can we get to know our own heart, soul and mind?
I’ve previously discussed values, those fundamental principles that ideally should underpin your life. If you live according to your values, then you are living by your truth and that means you are being authentic. Make sure you work out your own values and try to follow them.
To be fully authentic, you really need to spend quality time with yourself. As well as meditation, there are a wide range of activities that all promote getting to know yourself better. These include walking outdoors, especially near nature, spending time in gardens, reading, journaling, having coffee in cafes or a meal out by yourself, visiting a new place, having a massage, creative activities such as drawing or writing, visiting galleries, museums or other displays, and visiting a beach or any other place of natural beauty.
Try to cut back on things like watching TV, looking at your phone, and all those other things we do to anaesthetise our feelings.
Until recently, I had never been keen on meditation and never wanted to do it. After a medical episode that I believe was partially caused by my high stress levels, I knew I had to start trying to reduce my anxiety.
The first step for me was trying some simple deep breathing exercises, sitting quietly and learning to take slow, deep breaths. Placing my hands on my stomach to feel it expand with each breath, I breathed in and out to a count of 4.
I then started to use very simple affirmations while I did this, and enjoyed the solitude and peace of using this time to release my stress and trauma, and replace it with peace.
Loving and Supporting Yourself
The ultimate purpose of spending time with and getting to know yourself is to learn to love and support yourself every single day.
Your goal as a grown up is to be self-reliant. An important part of that is being responsible for your own finances and financial independence, and knowing you are the one providing yourself with shelter and support. If you’ve allowed someone to provide some parts of that for you, start making changes so that you actively participate in all aspects of your own life.
You should be your own best friend, gently and lovingly encouraging and supporting yourself – all the time, every day. So many of us, when we have a feeling or emotion about anything, immediately turn outside ourselves for comfort or support. We tell a friend, colleague or loved one, and listen to and respect their opinions.
Instead of doing that, you should instead turn to yourself for that comfort, love and support. Sympathise with yourself, and give yourself the care and love that you need. You should also trust in your own opinions and your feelings or emotions about things.
How do you feel about spending time with yourself? I’d love to hear your comments.
Here are my previous Articles in this series:
#wellness #meditation #feelings #authenticity
Thank you for stopping by. My name is Toni Pike, a multi-genre author who loves writing thrillers for adults, non-fiction, and hilarious books for children.
I’m the author of DESOLATION BLUFF, DEAD DRY HEART and The Jotham Fletcher Mystery Thriller Series: THE MAGUS COVENANT, THE ROCK OF MAGUS, THE MAGUS EPIPHANY and HOLY SPEAR OF MAGUS. My latest release is for children aged 6-9: BRODY CODY AND THE STEPMOTHER FROM OUTER SPACE.
I’m also the author of two non-fiction books. THE ONE WAY DIET is a no-nonsense guide to losing weight and HAPPY TRAVELS 101 is a short book of travel tips.
All my books can be found HERE.
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