Control Yourself – And Not The Rest Of The World #happiness

This is a series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power.

I was the worst control freak, always planning and organising everything I did so that every possible eventuality was taken into account. I would then worry and be anxious that it would all go according to my plan. My happiness depended on the outcome, or what people would think of me, or whether others were fulfilling their end of the bargain.

In other words, I was trying to control everything outside of me – and that is a difficult job. It’s no wonder that I was prone to feeling stressed.

But now I know that you don’t need to expend the sort of energy and worry that it takes to be a control freak, because the only person you need to control is yourself.

Other people’s opinions

My energy was constantly dedicated to trying to change everything around me so that I would feel better. But it never worked, because that is an impossible task.

If there was someone trying to give others the wrong impression about me, I would be upset – and want to convince those people of the truth.

But you can’t change anyone else opinions, or what they are thinking about you or a particular situation. If you think that someone is saying something negative about you, your first instinct is to try to set them straight and change their minds.

But that is the wrong approach. It’s an impossible job, because you really can’t control or change what anyone else thinks. They have to come to a different viewpoint by themselves.

Your Power

Don’t hand your power away by reacting to any situation. Instead, focus on your own personal power, your own calmness and control.

When someone provokes you in any way, or when things don’t go to plan, don’t react. Don’t give some sort of emotional reaction or turn to someone else for sympathy or support. Instead, turn towards yourself and your own feelings. Comfort yourself and reclaim your own power.


Does your happiness depend on whether a certain result happens, or if someone else has the right opinion about you?

When situations arise – when you don’t know what will happen in a certain situation, or what the outcome will be, you may feel that your happiness is affected. You’re relying on that outcome for you to achieve happiness. You say to yourself, “When that happens, I’ll be happy. It has to work out just the way I was hoping, or else I’m going to be disappointed or upset. In the meantime, I’ll be tense and miserable until my goals are achieved.”

Instead of that, adopt an alternative approach. Don’t react to it and don’t worry about trying to control the situation. Focus, first and foremost, on being happy, calm and at peace. Be filled with your own inner power. And don’t rely on anything, or any result, that is outside of you.

Don’t try to change anyone’s mind about a situation. Simply let the other person eventually reach their own conclusions. If they’ve been given the wrong impression, they will eventually know the truth about you when they see what a calm, strong and centred person you are.

When you approach the situation from the strength of your own inner power – that’s when you really have control. You are not affected by the external situation. You know your happiness won’t be dependent on the outcome. If things don’t work out as planned, there will be other opportunities that come along, perhaps even better than the first.

Have you thought about focusing on controlling yourself rather than other people and situations? I’d love to hear about it.

Here are my previous articles in this series:

Validate Yourself – and Transform Your Life

Become Your Own Best Friend

Don’t Give Your Power Away

Your Values and Living Your Truth

Standards – a vital part of living your truth

Having Boundaries – for healthy relationships

Authenticity and how to be authentic

#wellness #anxiety #healthyliving #authenticity

Thank you for stopping by. My name is Toni Pike, a multi-genre author who loves writing thrillers for adults, non-fiction, and hilarious books for children.

I’m the author of DESOLATION BLUFF, DEAD DRY HEART and The Jotham Fletcher Mystery Thriller Series: THE MAGUS COVENANT, THE ROCK OF MAGUS, THE MAGUS EPIPHANY and HOLY SPEAR OF MAGUS. My latest release is for children aged 6-9: BRODY CODY AND THE STEPMOTHER FROM OUTER SPACE.

I’m also the author of two non-fiction books. THE ONE WAY DIET is a no-nonsense guide to losing weight and HAPPY TRAVELS 101 is a short book of travel tips.

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24 thoughts on “Control Yourself – And Not The Rest Of The World #happiness

  1. petespringerauthor

    I think it is human nature to care what others think about us, but there is no way we’re going to (or should we try) to please everyone. Good insights, Toni, to control what we can. I’ve worked for bosses who were control freaks, and those were my least favorite type of managers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Toni Pike Post author

      Thanks so much, Pete – I agree, I don’t think it is ever pleasant to deal with a control freak. You’re right, we all care what others think, but I think we need to respect and trust our own thoughts and opinions first and foremost. Have a fabulous week, Toni

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Terri Webster Schrandt

    Funny, we had church on the patio outside today and our lovely pastor talked about patience especially these days. His first point was having patience “when circumstances are uncontrollable”…like what our world is going through now. Those of us who want to control things (I’m in the same club, Toni) find ourselves dissatisfied and uneasy, plus ridiculously tired from lack of sleep! 2020 has taught me to control (and expect) less. AT age 60, my health and sanity are much more important than trying to control and corral details that are uncontrollable! Awesome and timely post!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Toni Pike Post author

      Thank you so much, Terri. Fancy your pastor talking about that! This year has been dreadful, and devastating for many. You are so right- our health and sanity comes first. I think many of us are getting tired now, lacking energy and not sleeping well. You’ve been through so much this year so look after yourself. xx

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Toni Pike Post author

      Thank you so much, Darlene. You are so right – a shame we didn’t know these things years ago. However, I think our experiences all lead us to where we are now, ready to learn what we need to know. Have a lovely week. Toni x

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Toni Pike Post author

      Hi Debby, Thank you for your lovely comments. It certainly is difficult, especially for a control freak like me. But I’m finding that approach has helped me a great deal. Have a fabulous week. Toni x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Debbie

    Hi Toni, I love your series and this is another great insight. I have to admit I’m a work in progress on this one but it’s something we all need to do well. These days seem to be especially hard but your points are all valid and achievable. Thanks for sharing these thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. olganm

    Like Debbie, above, I also feel I’m a work in progress in this respect. As happens with most things, it is easier to notice other people doing it than your own self, but this is great advice. I used to ask patients to think about what would they advise somebody else to do (a friend) if they were in their situation, as that usually helps gain some perspective. Thanks, Toni!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Toni Pike Post author

      Thanks, Olga – and what wonderful advice for your patients. It’s so easy for us to give great advice to other people, but not listen to the same advice ourselves. Have a fabulous week. Toni x


    1. Toni Pike Post author

      You are an amazing achiever, Robbie – I don’t know how you do it all, including your incredible creative pursuits. I’ve been learning this year to detach from controlling everything outside me – and learning to control myself a bit more. Toni xx

      Liked by 1 person


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