Don’t Give Your Power Away #healing

This is a series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power.

Have you heard the expression, “don’t give your power away,” and found it hard to find out exactly what that meant? When I finally worked it out, it was nothing short of a revelation to me.

We need to understand that we have no ability to control what anyone else thinks or to change them. But we have enormous power over ourselves.

How we give away our power

When anyone provokes you in any way at all, the first thing that happens is that you might feel a measure of emotional pain or hurt. Then you react.

That reaction might be to justify yourself in some way or try to make the other person change their opinion or behaviour. In a more serious situation, you might argue or fight with them, become upset or emotional, or try to defend yourself.

Read that paragraph again. When you do any of those things, when you react at all, you are handing your power away.

You are taking your personal inner power and strength, and handing it over to the other person. Now, they are in control of the situation. You are dancing to their tune. You have given them the weapons they need to attack you with.

The other person can then turn around and criticise you for your reaction.

You have turned away from yourself – and instead have given your energy away to try to control something outside of you.

Take control of your own power

There is only one way to keep your personal power – and very good reasons why you should try to do that.

When someone provokes you in any way at all, don’t react. Instead, turn towards yourself and your own feelings. Then do the following three things:

  1. Self-validate by listening to and trusting your own feelings and opinions.
  2. Be your own best friend by comforting and supporting yourself about whatever just happened.
  3. After doing that, decide if you agree with the other person.

Have faith in your own feelings and opinions, rather than those of someone else. If they make some criticism of you, that is their business. You don’t have to believe them or take their opinions on board. Listen to your own heart.

Don’t run to someone else at the first opportunity to ask for their sympathy, viewpoint or support. Instead of doing that, turn to yourself.

Be your own comforter and friend, and rely on your own feelings and opinions.

It’s fine if someone is giving you feedback or helpful comments, or they are asking you a fair question. And it’s fine to discuss your problems with friends, family or colleagues. But you should be your number one supporter and the number one person you rely on.

Don’t React

When you are hurt or provoked by someone, DON’T REACT – and that includes being upset. This applies to major disagreements, or just minor situations that may be occurring multiple times a day.

Reacting will always give away your power – and then the other person has got what they want and they are in control.

Remember you now know how to validate your own feelings and opinions – and that really is a superpower. By doing that, you have retained your own power, and not given it away to someone else.

Have you stopped giving away your power? I’d love to hear about it.

My next article will be about values and living by your truth.

Here are my other articles in this series:

Validate Yourself – and Transform Your Life

Become Your Own Best Friend

Your Values and Living Your Truth

Standards – a vital part of living your truth

Having Boundaries – for healthy relationships


#manipulation #loveyourself #wellness #anxiety

Thank you for stopping by. My name is Toni Pike, a multi-genre author who loves writing thrillers for adults, non-fiction, and hilarious books for children.

I’m the author of DESOLATION BLUFF, DEAD DRY HEART and The Jotham Fletcher Mystery Thriller Series: THE MAGUS COVENANT, THE ROCK OF MAGUS, THE MAGUS EPIPHANY and HOLY SPEAR OF MAGUS. My latest release is for children aged 6-9: BRODY CODY AND THE STEPMOTHER FROM OUTER SPACE.

I’m also the author of two non-fiction books. THE ONE WAY DIET is a no-nonsense guide to losing weight and HAPPY TRAVELS 101 is a short book of travel tips.

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10 thoughts on “Don’t Give Your Power Away #healing

  1. robbiesinspiration

    This is interesting, Toni. I have never thought about it but I think I have arrived at this point of not giving away personal power on my own. When people react negatively to something I say or write, I usually don’t even respond other than to like it as a way of acknowledgement. I have realised that it is to draining to try and explain, justify or fight for my personal opinion and reasoning. Others need to work it out and if they can’t, they are unlikely to ever understand anyhow.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Toni Pike Post author

      Thanks for all those great thoughts, Robbie – you are so right, we generally can’t change anyone else’s opinion, and by justifying and explaining to make them alter their opinion is handing our power over to them. Toni xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. olganm

    You are right. A lot of our interactions with others have to do with their own feelings and mental state, rather than with anything we’ve done, and we should not take it personally. It’s not always easy, but trying to look at things objectively and thinking what would we do if we were not personally involved, or what advice we would give to somebody else in the same situation, helps. I hadn’t thought about it as a superpower, but you’re right. It is. Thanks, Toni.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Toni Pike Post author

      Many thanks for your insightful comments, Olga. I agree with you – I’ve always been prone to reacting, and affected by what other people think – instead of my own opinions and feelings. Toni x



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