Your Own Opinions And Feelings #selfaware

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This is a series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power.

I’ve already mentioned self-validation, but I wanted to talk more about respecting our own opinions and feelings.

I realise now that for my most of my life I have been extremely reactionary. If someone said or did anything that concerned me in any way, I would immediately react and try to fix things up or do something about it. If I thought someone had a poor opinion of me for any reason, I would react and try to plead my case.

Trust your own opinions and feelings

Now I realise that I needed, instead, to trust and believe in my own opinions and feelings.

For instance, someone said to me recently that a letter I had written created some confusion because of a contradiction in it. Previously, I would have immediately reacted, trying to explain and justify myself. If the other person didn’t respond the way I wanted, I would keep trying to sort things out and possibly get into a flap, or be “jumping through hoops” with that person if they continued to disagree with me. I would also be upset that they had a bad opinion of me. But by doing all that, I was handing my power away to them.

But now, when that happened, I instead took a deep breath and thought about my own opinion. I knew that the letter was very clear, and that the other person was highly manipulative and merely trying to get a negative reaction from me. I chose to trust and believe in myself, knowing that I did not need to give them any explanation. I told them that I would not discuss it any further.

It’s easy to get into the habit of avoiding our own feelings and opinions. Instead, we should listen to them first and foremost, and believe in ourselves. You can even become “hooked” on focusing on what other people are thinking, and becoming upset or reactionary in response.

Our feelings are so important

I can’t stress enough how important it is to listen to our own feelings, rather than trying to think about and analyse every situation. We experience feelings in our body – which is why, when we’re scared or upset, we have all sorts of physical reactions such as headaches, intestinal cramps, trembling and aches and pains.

Here is a simple exercise to try. I know many of us have trouble getting to sleep because we get into bed and start thinking about all the worries in our life. When you start to do that, instead try listening to and experiencing your feelings. Calm yourself by focusing on feeling tired, sleepy, warm, relaxed, and cosy and safe in bed. Close your eyes and let your feelings help you drift off to sleep.

Trusting our own opinions and feelings

Here are some ways that show we’re not trusting our own opinions and feelings.

Do you worry far too much about what other people are thinking or feeling?

Wherever you are, ask yourself if you’re thinking about the way you think and feel – or are you thinking about other people’s thoughts and opinions? Try to focus on yourself, and have confidence in yourself.

Are you being reactionary?

Do you keep jumping in and reacting to any situation, trying to fix things up or alter another person’s opinion? Instead, stay calm and think about how you see the situation, and how you feel about it. When you react to something, you are handing your power away to the other person. Keep that power with yourself.

How do you comfort and calm yourself?

When anything happens, listen to your own feelings or emotions. How do you feel about the situation? Truly allow yourself to experience that feeling. Then, ask yourself how you comfort and support yourself. Do you immediately want to talk to someone to get their support, or do you try to numb the feeling with something like food, drink, drugs, cigarettes, or even by working hard or just trying to keep busy?

Try a different approach. Instead, talk to yourself with your inner voice, support and comfort yourself just like a loving parent would do to their beloved child. You’ll be amazed what a difference it makes.

Do you listen to and trust your own opinions?

We should try to believe in and trust both our own opinions and feelings. By doing that, we’re learning to love, support and care about ourselves the way we deserve.

Have you thought about focusing on your own opinions and feelings, rather than those of other people? I’d love to hear about it.

Here are my previous Articles in this series:


Validate Yourself – and Transform Your Life

Become Your Own Best Friend

Don’t Give Your Power Away

Your Values and Living Your Truth

Standards – a vital part of living your truth

Having Boundaries – for healthy relationships

Authenticity and how to be authentic

#emotions #selflove #feelings #health

Thank you for stopping by. My name is Toni Pike, a multi-genre author who loves writing thrillers for adults, non-fiction, and hilarious books for children.

I’m the author of DESOLATION BLUFF, DEAD DRY HEART and The Jotham Fletcher Mystery Thriller Series: THE MAGUS COVENANT, THE ROCK OF MAGUS, THE MAGUS EPIPHANY and HOLY SPEAR OF MAGUS. My latest release is for children aged 6-9: BRODY CODY AND THE STEPMOTHER FROM OUTER SPACE.

I’m also the author of two non-fiction books. THE ONE WAY DIET is a no-nonsense guide to losing weight and HAPPY TRAVELS 101 is a short book of travel tips.

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23 thoughts on “Your Own Opinions And Feelings #selfaware”

  1. petespringerauthor

    Lots of sound advice here, Toni. It’s human nature to care what others think about us, but if we spend all of our time worrying about that, we can’t be truly happy. It doesn’t mean we disregard others’ feelings, but I agree with you that we need to trust our feelings and opinions.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Toni Pike Post author

      Thank you so much, Pete, and I agree with you – we should always care about other people’s feelings. But I think when we learn to listen to our own opinions and feelings first and foremost, we develop an inner wholeness, solidness and self-respect. Toni

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  2. D. Wallace Peach

    Great advice, Toni. I tend to react when I see someone being treated unkindly, and in the politically charged US, there is a lot of unkindness. But you’re right that a desire to change someone else’s opinion is risky business – because the only person we can truly change is ourselves. This post reminded me of the book The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz, specifically two of the agreements: Don’t Take Anything Personally, and Don’t Make Assumptions. Thanks for the wise advice – perfect to reflect on this election day. ❤

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    1. Toni Pike Post author

      Thank you so much for that, Diana, and for your lovely comments. I know it’s a big day for you in America. That book sounds wonderful – and I feel like I really changed when I stopped fretting about trying to change anyone else’s opinion. I hope you have a lovely and peaceful day. Toni x

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  4. robbiesinspiration

    I think there are two types of people in this world, Toni. There are those that react like you’ve described and really try to oblige others and care about what they think of us and then there are those who don’t care at all. These people tend to walk all over softies like you and me. We have to toughen up and learn to stand up for our work, beliefs, etc. it is hard though, as it doesn’t come naturally to us.

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  5. Miriam Hurdle

    I enjoyed reading your post, Toni. I remember in my younger years, I was sensitive to what people think about me of what I do and what I say. I later learned that sometimes we act the way we’re expected to act. Even when we are asked about our opinions, we answer in a way we’re expected to answer socially or politically. So, those answers may not truly represent our own. It takes maturity to be sure of oneself and sometimes the truth hurts.

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    1. Toni Pike Post author

      Thanks, Miriam. We do tend to care far too much about what other people are thinking – especially what they are thinking about us. You’re right, it takes real maturity to be sure of ourselves. Toni x

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  6. olganm

    You’re right, Toni. Ultimately we can never make other people happy, they have to do it themselves, and the same is true for us. We have to live with ourselves and with our own decisions, not with that of others, so it’s important to learn to listen to ourselves. Thanks for the advice.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Toni Pike Post author

      Thank you, Olga – I agree with you, we are responsible for our own happiness, and need to trust our own feelings and decisions. Then we can be truly authentic and self-reliant. Toni x

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  8. dgkaye

    We write about many of the same things my friend. Spot on! Oh, and I’m one of those who could never sleep because of an overactive mind, no matter how tired. But my magic sleeping pill is reading til I get lost in the words. ❤

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  9. Debbie

    I appreciated reading this now Toni, with lots going on I have to be careful not to be too reactionary and to look at where my feelings are coming from. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and experiences with us. x

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